Niagara Falls Jokes

Gov. Cuomo and Mayor Dyster were engaged in some small talk over lunch after a grueling five minute meeting over the missing casino revenue, and began discussing their future retirement plans.

“I don’t think I’ll ever retire, but if I do, it will be after eight years in the White House,” declared Gov. Cuomo, “and how about you, Mayor?”

Mayor Dyster said, “I’ve always wanted to buy a motorcycle, and ride like I don’t have a care in the world.”

At that, Cuomo’s face fell and he had a faraway look in his eyes. “You know, my older brother was killed in a horrific motorcycle crash. Under no circumstances should you buy a motorcycle.

“You can have his.”

***

The governor’s kid brother is CNN anchor Chris Cuomo. Can you imagine the favorable treatment Gov. Cuomo is going to get from little brother Chris on the 24-hour news network when he runs for president? In fact, that’s why their parents had him.

***

Somebody asked Gov. Cuomo if he was going to help all his top aides who fell on their swords for him, serving lengthy prison terms for corruption while he runs for the White House.

“It’s not a fair request,” the governor protested, “they got paid when the state got paid. Why would I ever guarantee their loss?”

***

It was decided, in order to maximize Gov. Cuomo’s presidential campaign fund, every female working on his election staff was to prostitute herself at least one day a week, and donate the proceeds as a campaign contribution.

As one can imagine, most of the women were not very good at being prostitutes, or at least, not as skilled at it as the politician they worked for, and their lack of experience soon was manifested in complaints by the men employing their services. A group of the men went to the governor’s office to demand their money back.

“You know,” laughed the Governor, refusing to see them, “Maybe they want to make up the shortfall to me.”

***

Three new City Council members traveled to Albany to demand that Governor Cuomo address the fact that the state drains tens of millions of dollars from the city of Niagara Falls every year, through its monopoly on parking and food service in Niagara Falls State Park and hydropower from the Power Project. They wanted to tell the governor that some of that money should be used to balance the city’s budget.

“You know,” laughed the Governor, refusing to see them, “Maybe they want to make up the shortfall to me.”

***

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Andy

Andy Who?

Andy forgot to ask for casino payments beyond 2016