Niagara Falls jokes
Somebody recently stole one of the city’s credit cards. The police didn’t bother to try to catch the thief – he was spending less than the city did.
***
Mayor Dyster was talking to Gov. Cuomo and asked him how he runs the state so well. Cuomo replied quite simply that he chooses the best people to run it.
Dyster considers this for a moment and then asks, “how do you ensure that they are the best people for the job?” The governor answers that he quizzes them, and as an example, calls in Sam Hoyt, and asks him, “Your parents have a child; it’s not your brother it’s not your sister, who is it?” Hoyt replies “well, of course it’s me”.
The mayor is dazzled by the governor’s genius, so when he returns to City Hall he repeats the question to Seth Piccirillo, who runs around City Hall all day trying to find an answer, but no one can figure it out.
Finally he enters Tom Desantis’ office and asks him, “Your parents have a child; it’s not your brother it’s not your sister, who is it?” Desantis replies, “Of course, it’s me”. So Piccirillo goes back to Dyster and says “It’s Tom Desantis,” Dyster replies, “No, you idiot, it’s Sam Hoyt!”
***
Two tourist groups, one from Spain and one from Lebanon, were visiting Niagara Falls. A young man from the Spanish contingent, named Juan, noticed an attractive young lady in the Lebanon group who happened to be named Amal. While both groups are gawking at Niagara Falls, he sees his chance. Juan sidles up to her, whispers in her ear, and soon he and Amal slip away from their companions.
When it came time for the tour group to leave the falls, the parents of the two lovebirds suddenly discovered their absence, and went to the Parks Police in alarm.
“We have no idea where to look for them,” said the Parks Police officer, “Do you have any idea where they might have gone?”
“Not really,” replied one of the parents, “But we’re pretty sure that if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
***
A man goes to the emergency room at Niagara Falls Memorial and says, “Doctor, there’s a piece of lettuce sticking out of my butt.”
The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.
The man asks, “Is it serious, doctor?” and the doctor replies, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but it’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
***
A young Niagara Falls couple was desperate because the city of Niagara Falls was coming after them for unpaid parking tickets in the amount of $500.10.
The wife suggested that she could prostitute herself, but her husband was a little less than thrilled about the prospect. The financial necessities, however, got the best of her, and she went behind her husband’s back to advertise on the internet to procure clients.
After a week, she came back one night with a huge wad of cash, and fessed up to her hubby. He was upset, but asked how much she made.
“$500.10,” she said, “Enough to pay off all the tickets!”
Laughing, the husband asked, “Who paid ten cents?”
“Everybody.”
