Niagara Falls jokes
A tourist from “down south” was visiting Niagara Falls and saw a Nativity Scene in front of a local church. One small feature about the creche bothered her, however. She declared to her hosts that the three wise men should be wearing firemen’s helmets.
They were at a loss to understand why this southern woman would think this, and asked her to explain. She sputtered in exasperation, saying, “You Yankees never do read the bible!” They assured her that they did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the bible. She jerked her bible out from her purse and ruffled through some pages, jabbed her finger at a passage and declared, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar.'”
***
Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas.
Luke: How do you know?
Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.
***
An honest politician, an informed voter and Santa Claus find a $100 bill. Who gets to keep it?
Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend.
***
I heard some strange chatter from the spice cupboard mid-December. But it was just the season’s greetings.
***
Our family was so poor that one Christmas, my father gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of Band-Aids and said, “You two share.”
***
It was coming up to Christmas and little Johnny asked his dad if he could have a new bike. So, he told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Johnny, having just seen the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his dad told him that would be fine.
Johnny went to his room and wrote “Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.”
But he wasn’t very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote “Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.” He read it back and wasn’t happy with that one either.
He tried a third version. “Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.” He read that one too, but he still wasn’t satisfied.
So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. “Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you better send me a new bike.”
